Personal Commandments

At the beginning of this year, I started reading a wonderful book by Gretchen Rubin, called "The Happiness Project". In it, she developed her own set of commandments, or words to live by. Nope, not those Commandments- which I do think are great and I do my best to live by those Commandments. These are a more personal set of commandments, so that is what I know call them- Personal Commandments. These are words that ring true for her and have helped her achieve greater happiness. And, she she encourages her readers to do the same. As a reult of reading her book, and through her encouragement, many people have begun their own Happiness Projects. I read her blog and follow her on Facebook and receive "Happiness Quotes" from her that she emails daily. Maybe next year I will start a Happiness Project, but right now my focus is on other things, like learning how to blog. (I am getting there, slowly but surely... )

Even though I'm not embarking on my own Happiness Project this year, for the last few months I've had the idea of at least developing my own Personal Commandments. Things that really speak to me of who I am, or who I want to be, and how I can achieve more happiness, inspire more hapiness in others, etc. But so far, nothing had really spoken to me. Well, I do have my First Personal Commandment, which I "borrowed" from her-

Be Myself. Be Carol.

Wherever I go, wherever I am, I am me. Now, that one isn't really terribly hard for me. Well, at least not so much anymore. The idea of being ourselves seems to be something most of us get better at as we get older. So in all of life's situations, I try to be myself- not what others expect me to be. And when I say "myself", I mean I act just like I would normally act in all situations, and sometimes I act how I would like to act, and always to the best of my ability. this includes being confident without being arrogant, being thoughtful without being in your face, being supportive without being a know-it-all. Following the golden rule, being the kind of friend I would want to have, giving and helping whenever possible without sacrificing money needed to pay our bills or time spent with family, smiling more... you get the idea.

Yeah, this is the true me at my blog. A little nerdy. A little naughty. Hopefully a little funny and inspiring? Probably somewhat boring. Sorry, what you see is what you get.

So this morning, well actually all week, I have had a phrase stuck in my mind. It's one that I have used often with my children:

Be a problem solver.

I don't know where I ever heard it- it doesn't sound like anything that anyone has ever said to me- but I have said it to my children countless times as they have been growing up, and in all types of situations. And I have seen them take that advice, and sometimes with my help, put it into action. I have also seen them ignore this advice.

This past week, my husband hasn't been around much because of working longer hours, and in his absence I realized how often, and in how many different ways, I depend on him. Especially when it comes to doing things at home. Or on the computer. Some things on the computer I have figured out for myself- sometimes out of curiosity, other times out of desperation. Occasionally, if I think it's easier to just ask him to help me with something or do it for me, then I will.

A few weeks ago he showed me how to scan pictures onto the computer and then I scanned a whole bunch of them for fear that I would forget how to do it. I think I remember... but I'm not really sure.... and I haven't scanned any pictures since. And if I don't remember how to do something the next time I want to do it, well I would probably just ask him to show me again. And he would. Heck, I could ask him to show me how a hundred times and he wouldn't care. The man has the patience of a saint with me. And I know it. (I'm sure he knows it, too). And because I know it, I'm not sure I really pay full attention when he shows me to how to do something. Which is probably not very nice of me and certainly not very efficient. Or mature.

At our house, we are in the process of Simplifying Our Lives, and this week, I am trying to put together a Home Management Notebook, which will be a collection of our monthly budgets, menus, shopping lists, cleaning lists, to-do lists, etc. When completed, all of this important information iwill be in one place. This idea was actually inspired by Tsh Oxenreider's fabulous book, "Simple Organization". I am no computer expert, but I do like to figure out some things for myself when I can, so I spent some of last week trying to figure out how to write up some information for this notebook All By Myself on the computer. It sounded simple enough, and it was all part of Simplifying Our Lives, so it should be simple, right? Yes, except for the fact that I couldn't figure out how to do something the way I wanted to do it. There were certain things that I wanted to do a certain way, and I realized that I just didn't know how to do them.

Please keep in mind that I am in my late 40s. Computers were a relatively new thing when I was in high school and college, and I never had the kind of job where I used a computer. All of my computer skills are either self-taught or were taught to me by my husband or friends, or there are things I have picked up here and there. I taught myself how to join an online parenting site when my daughter was a baby, I taught myself how to sell things on eBay, I taught myself how to use Facebook, and I am teaching myself how to blog. But this time, I was stuck. Sometimes being a problem-solver means figuring things out for yourself. And sometimes, it just means knowing when to ask for help.

So now my husband is trying to teach me how to use Microsoft Word Excel (or at least I think that's what it's called, LOL- see what I mean?). He uses this at work a lot and has used it for many years. I had never had any use for it before, so I never learned how to use it. Two days ago he showed me some helpful things, and yesterday, when I sat down to do some work, I could remember some of it, but not all of it, which was a little frustrating for me because I wanted to know how to do it all. At the time he was teaching it to me, I did say to him (after he kept showing me an overwhelming number of things), "Please don't show me too much at once- it's late and I'm tired and you know I won't remember it all. Just show me what I ask you to and then when I need to learn more, I will ask for more help". I used to always think those thoughts in my head, thinking I must be Incredibly Stupid because I couldn't learn many new things very quickly, but this time I vocalized it. And so he stopped showing me more than I could handle. That was huge for us. And I mean Huge.

So today I can remember some of the stuff he showed me, but the other stuff that he wanted to show me- the fun stuff (well, it looked fun to me)- well, I haven't got a clue. And now I can't wait for another lesson from him! A short, focused, step by step lesson that will show me the next level that I am ready for so I can practice using it. And then I can probably figure out more things by myself.

Because, you see, that is how I learn. Some people can digest great volumes of information all at once and then they are good to go. But not me- I need to learn the basics, master those, and then move to the next step. And the fresher my mind is, the more I can learn. Once I feel confident, I can ususally move on from there by myself.

Hey, I just realized something- that is me being me. That is me Being Carol. I am using my First Personal Commandment!

Which then helped lead me to my Second Personal Commandment- Be a Problem Solver.

And now... wait for it... I think I also have my Third Personal Commandment:

Know when to ask for help. I know I have said that one to my kids a lot, too. Sounds like I need to start taking some of my own advice, because it's pretty good stuff!!

Well, whaddaya know. I just might be onto something here... and to think, I figured it out all by myself.