Honey, what's for dinner?
Mom, I'm starving, how long until dinner is ready??
Oh darn, I forgot to defrost something for dinner. Again. Who wants take out??? (Again).
How many times have those things happened to you? A few times a month? A few times a week?? Daily???
As I sit here typing, it is 10:45 AM and I can tell you exactly what's for dinner at our house tonight. It's the same thing we have every Thursday night: leftovers. You may scoff: "leftovers? That's not dinner, that's cheating. That's not menu planning". Well, it is in our house. Through Menu Planning, we have discovered that not only do we waste less time and less money, we also waste less food. It wasn't always this way, but I can assure you, it is much less stressful.
I had heard of several of my friends doing this thing called Menu Planning. They would plan every meal that their family would eat- ahead of time! I was in awe. One friend had her family's meals planned for an entire month- and I think that included breakfast and lunch, too. But the thought of doing that totally overwhelmed me so I never pursued Menu Planning. My husband and I shared a lot of the cooking so I reasoned that it wasn't very stressful. Yes, some nights we didn't know what were having for dinner until he came home from work at 4:30, but we were getting by. The kids were eating well, no one was starving. We were ok. Right? Well, not really.
What was really happeneing, if I am totally honest about it, was that I was relying more and more on my husband to cook because cooking was totally stressing me out. Or I would decide what to eat for dinner just before the kids came home from school and I would need him to pick up some necessary items on his way home from work. Or we would get bored and try new recipes that no one really liked (sorry, honey!) And worst of all, we would find ourselves going out to eat. A lot. I'm sure we ate out at least once each week. And because it wasn't "fast food", we told ourselves it was fine.
Well, let me tell you, taking a family of four out to eat gets pretty expensive after a while. And even though we usually made "healthy choices" when we ate out, the portions were often very large and you really couldn't control how they were prepared, so those extra calories really added up, too! And actually, going out to eat get kind of boring after a while.
We soon realized one of the biggest issues we dealt with was Time Management. Last fall our actitivities were out of control. Family dinner was always very important for us, but some nights it was hard to figure out not only when anyone would be home to eat dinner, but when one of us would be home to make it. I am a stay at home mom, so you wouldn't think that would be a problem, but it was. But it seemed that the busier we were, the more we ate out, the more we were in debt and the more we were stressed.
At the beginning of this year, we made some serious changes to the way we live. Our family is in a bit of a financial crisis right now, which is a fancy way of saying we have some serious credit card debt to pay off. We knew right away that one of the first things that had to go, along with some other things, was eating out. Not only did we eliminate going out to eat, we also stopped buying our children school lunches. When we stopped doing those two things, we realized that if we wanted to save even more money and waste leass food, we knew we needed to limit our shopping to once a week (mostly to buy fresh produce and replenish depleted supplies) and twe knew it was time to try Menu Planning.
At our house, Menu Planning begins near the end of each week. Rather casually, my husband and I begin to think and talk about what we would like to eat for the following week. My husband enjoys cooking and we share much of the cooking each week, so it makes sense for us to share the Menu Planning together. (If you have a significant other that does not do any of the cooking, decide if it makes sense to include them in the menu planning. And I do encourage you to, even if it's to help choose one meal they enjoy each week). We also ask the kids if there's something they want to eat that week that maybe we haven't eaten in a while. After all, we are cooking for them, too.
Because we do the bulk of our shopping each Saturday morning, we try to choose what meals we plan to the eat the next week by Friday night, although often we are still fine-tuning the menu during breakfast on Saturday morning. That's just how we roll. After the menu for the week is finalized, we put together a grocery list to buy the foods we need to make those meals happen. (Saturday shopping works for us, but you can choose a different day of the week if that works better for you). Menu Planning is really that simple. The biggest obstacle can be choosing the meals that your family will eat.
We choose meals in a variety of ways. Our taste and our health come first. Luckily, our taste in food is pretty simple and memebers of our family life many (though not all!) of the same things. Simpler meals are often healthier, easier and faster to cook and can be very economical. We try to use fresh ingredients whenever we can by eating whatever produce is in season. We avoid processed foods as much as possible.
I am no dietician, but traditionally we eat a small-ish portion of protein at each meal, including chicken, pork, beef, fish or eggs. We supplement each meal with a starch or grain, and a fruit or vegetable. We usually have a pasta night that can be meatless or it can include a protein. We include a green salad with our meals as much as possible. This is probably pretty close to what many of you already do. If you or anyone in your family are a vegetarian, you can remove the proteins and substitute more grains, beans and fruits and vegetables).
Often, we choose meals based on items that we already have and then add items to our Weekly Grocery List that we need to complete that meal. Most of the meals we make are very simple and do not require a recipe, just our memory, so we just add items to our grocery list that we know we don't have on hand for those meals. Sometimes we come up with a meal we're dying to have and we find that we have none of the ingredients on hand. If this meal is from a recipe that we don't have memorized, we always consult the written recipe to be sure we have all of the necessary ingredients and the correct amounts. There's nothing like being in the middle of cooking a meal and discovering you are missing a key ingredient or do not have enough of a certain ingredient.
Because my husband and children take their lunch to work and school nearly everyday, we also take that into consideration when Menu Planning and creating our Weekly Grocery List. We think about what meals will yield leftovers for lunches and plan accordingly- we don't want to create too many leftovers, but we do want to make sure we create enough for lunches. Each of my children has a thermos that they can bring to school which enables them to have a variety of items for lunch, including soup and pasta dishes. My husband will eat almost anything we had had for dinnerand bring it to work for lunch. We also add items to our Weekly Grocery List that supplement their homemade lunches. And let me add that now that we don't eat out and now that the kids bring their lunches more often, our grocery bill has increased somewhat. However, we are buying only what we need each week, making plenty and nutritious meals out of that food and if we factor in what we were spending on school lunches and eating out, we are in actuality spending less money each month.
And because many of our meals yield plenty of leftovers, we have designated Thursday as Leftover Dinner Night. That way we can clean our fridge in time for our weekend shopping and leftover food doesn't sit in the fridge over the weekend, uneaten and destines for the garbage disposal. I actually get a lot of joy out of Leftover Night. First of all, I really enjoy the fact that little or none of our food is ever wasted. And as that food is eaten and enjoyed, it clears out room in the fridge for the next week's meals. Therefore, I know that I won't be trying to shove more food into an already full refrigerator after our weekly shopping trip. Also, Leftover Night is a little spiritual for me because it reminds me of what I love about communty- everything coming together to make something bigger and better than it was all by itself. It's taking a little bit of this and a little bit of that and making a meal. But most of all, I love that my family does not complain about lefotvers. I guess they must see it as a blessing, which it is. They choose from whatever is in there and, God Bless Them, they eat it!! Once in a while I have to make something for someone to supplement what there is to choose from, but it's never a big deal. Leftover Night may not be their first choice for a meal, but leftovers are a reality for us, our financial stability, our sanity, and my family appreciates that there is food on the table that they didn't have to make. I did want to add that a few things we intentionally make large quantities of for the purpose of freezing so we can enjoy that meal in the future with little or no work, such as matballs, spaghetti sauce, and chicken stock (made from our good old Sunday Dinner Roast Chicken).
We also look ahead to our Weekly Activities before planning our menu. If there is a night of the week that dictates that we serve an early meal, or a later meal, then we choose our meals accordingly. Sometimes we shift Leftover Night around, or we switch meals around within that week when something unexpected comes along. That's called Life. But most of the time, we do discipline ourselves to stay within the plan as much as possible. Leftover Night might would work better for you on a night when everyone nees to out the door early or on Friday Night or Sunday Night. Play around with it until you find what works best for you.
Years ago, when my husband and I regularly attended my Episcopal Church, we started eating fish on Friday nights. Now, I know, the practice of eating fish on Fridays is one that is mostly practiced by Roman Catholics. I believe that originated to help Catholics be more mindful of eating lighter during Lent. So that year, we adopted the same practice for the same healthy reason and it just sort of stuck. Now we are Methodists, and even though I know that that most good Methodists would never dream of giving up meat during Lent, we know that we are doing it for health reasons. And for the self-discipline, which I can always use more of. We do not eat fish "religously" on Fridays, but we do have it set aside as Fish Night, although we are more mindful of eating fish during Lent for the self-discipline. Fortunately, our children enjoy eating fish. If Friday Fish Night doesn't work for you, decide what does. A night out (if you can afford it)? Pizza and wings? Going to Grandma's? Choose something meaningful for you.
Wednesday night is Breakfast Night. Why? Becuase I LOVE breakfast food! Breakfast food is cheap, easy and quick. It's probably not the healthiest night of the week, but we only eat it once a week. It is usually pancakes or French toast & scrambled eggs, or a ham & cheese omelet, bacon or breakfast sausage and fresh fruit or apple sauce. And because we eat that once a week for dinner, I rarely make it for breakfast. If you don't love breakfast for dinner as much as we do, then maybe New Recipe Night or International Night or Look What Grandma Made For Us works better for you.
During the winter months, our Saturday night dinner has become a simple but nutritious meal of homemade soup and freshly baked bread. Now before you start thinking that I live in a monastery with our Friday Fish Night and our Saturday Soup Suppers, let me explain. Every other Friday morning, a group of women from my church gather in the church's kitchen to make soup. (by the way, We range in age from about 40 to about 70 years of age, so we are not just a bunch of "little old church ladies"). We make the soup to sell to our parishioners and members of our community and the money helps us meet our annual Church World Service apportionments, which then helps others in need throughout the world. Any leftover soup goes onto the freezer and is available for future sale or can be given to anyone in need. We make a variety of soup, including chili for Super Bowl Sunday, and it is all so good!! When my husband and I re-examined our finances, we both agreed that we would continue supporting our church as much as we can. So when we eat our soup on Saturday nights, we know we are supporting our church and that we get to enjoy a meal that was cooked with much love. And that freshly baked bread? It's just frozen bread dough, thawed, and then baked before dinner. Easy peasy!
At our house, we have designated Sunday nights as our Big Family Dinner night. When I was growing up, right after church on Sunday was the time my mother often made a pot roast after church, and then whatever of my extended family members were around, we would sit down for a meal together around 2 PM. My poor mother, never got to rest, even on Sunday! My husband grew up with a similar tradition, and now that our kids are older and we have recouped some previously lost energy, this makes sense for us. My husband loves to cook roasts for Sunday dinner- pork tenderloin, roasted chicken, roast beef- and because they usually take more time, that night works best for us. Even if he is cooking something in the crock pot, he usually has to time to prepare it after church. On the occasions that we can't do a Sunday Dinner, he puts something in the crockpot before church and we have Sunday Lunch. As a kid, we always set our Sunday Dinner table with our Good Dishes and now we do the same, which for us is our seldom-used wedding china. Make it festive or fun!
The rest of the week is either a pasta night (spaghetti & meatballs, pasta al fredo, goulash, etc.), or chicken/pork with potato or rice as a side dish and a fresh or frozen vegetable. My kids have recently discovered that they love baked potatoes, so we have them once a month. Whenever we have mashed potatoes, my husband (the offical potato masher) always reserves a few boiled potatoes for our son,, who does not like mashed potatoes. Our philosphy on food is that mealtime should be enjoyed. And while we encourage our children to try new things, we do realize that they do not love all of the same things that we do. We will tweak a meal to accomodate someone with different tastes, such as serving our daughter stir fry that has not been mixed together (so she's a healthy eater who doesn't like her food mixed together- no big deal!), but we never cook a second meal for someone.
We also try to have the kids help us prepare dinner as much as possible. I wish I could say they helped us regularly and often. But the truth is, they don't. They are welcome to help whenever they want, but during the week they are usually busy finishing homework or reading. Often I start a meal and my husband finishes it, or we cook the meal together, and that gives us a chance to catch up on our day uninterrupted. The kids do help with the meal by setting and clearing the table each night, and as I tyoe this, I am vowing to try to get them to help us cook more on weekends.
When you first start out, if doing a full week seems overwhelming, just try planning for a few days. Maybe start with your weekend meals, if that's when you have more time. Last month, we aimed for planning one full week, from Satruday to Saturday. This month, after filling in the first week, we then plugged in other meals we knew we would be having, such as Wednesday Breakfast Night, Thursday Leftover Night, Friday Fish Night, and Saturday Soup Night. Then we plugged in what special meals we wanted for all of the Sunday Dinners. That left us with Monday and Tuesday nights to fill in with chicken, pork and International Meals (mostly Mexican and Italian dishes that my family enjoys). And then all of a sudden- the whole month was filled in. Which becomes One Less Thing To Think And Stress About.
All in all, because of our Menu Planning, along with our Weekly Shopping Trip, we eat well, we eat healthy, and we eat within our budget. Most importantly, we are blessed to have the time to eat most of our evening meals together as a family. We rarely have the TV on and almost always have music playing. And you know what? I really don't miss eating out.
I have to confess that yesterday my husband and I went out to lunch and had a nice meal, and because it's a rare treat now, we enjoyed it for what it was, but I honestly prefer eating at home. Maybe sometime we will try eating by candlelight, just for the fun of it. Maybe tonight we can get through the meal without reminding my daughter to use her fork instead of her fingers, without reminding my son to eat and not talk so much. And maybe my husband won't gulp his meal in two bites and I won't go for that second helping of mashed potatoes that I really don't need... maybe, but I doubt it. Yeah, I never said it was perfect, but for us, it is the perfect time of day for our family to connect.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
The Tortoise and the Spelling Bee
It amazes me sometimes how different things are connected. For example, what is the connection between a Spelling Bee, de-cluttering and being a tortoise? I'm not sure I could have told you the answer until this morning.
You see, my son is going to be in our school's district Spelling Bee next week. He particpated in his elementary school's Spelling Bee last month, which consisted of fourth and fifth graders, and by finsihing in the Top 10, he is able to move on to the next Bee, where he will compete with fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh and eighth graders.
Naturally, we were incredibly proud of him and his efforts for being in a Spelling Bee. But we knew that with Being in a Spelling Bee comes Great Responsibility. Our daughter was in the Spelling Bee a few years ago, and we hadn't forgotten how much time was involved in preparing for the Bee. We didn't want to discourage him, but we did tell that it was going to be hard work, so he needed to think long and hard before signing up to take the spelling test that is a precursor for being in the bee (the Top 20 from this test are chosen for the bee).
You see, in our house, if you commit to something, it is a 100% commitment, or as close to 100% commitment as you can possibly give. If you can only give, say 50% or even 75%, we don't participate, and that goes for the adults, too. And no, we don't expect them to win or be the best or anything like that- just to be fully committed and do their best.
Well, Jonah insisted that this was what he REALLY wanted to do, so he took the test in December, and placed in the Top 20. A list of spelling words were sent home over Christmas vacation for him to study and learn to spell. Can you guess how much time we spent practicing those spelling words? Not much. When he returned to school after Christmas break, we only had two weeks to prepare! We weren't sure if this was enough time, but we tried to make the most if it.
We concentrated on the easier words first. We got him into the habit of repeating the word back to us, just as they want you to do in the Bee, so the judges know you heard the word correctly. We focused on him being confident and on spelling each word slowly and clearly. We did this little by little, nearly everyday, for two weeks. We moved into harder words and he learned how to spell many of them, but we never got to the hardest words. We reasoned that because this was the fourth and fifth grade Bee, they probably wouldn't get to the hardest words anyway, and for the most part, that proved to be true. He had the misfortune of being the first speller of the Bee, and the first speller of each round, but his confidence shined! He came in fifth place and was the last fourth grader left. The words he missed was "ecstatic"- a word we hadn't even spent a lot of time on. His first spelling Bee was s success!
Well, that Spelling Bee was a month ago. Can you guess how much Jonah has practiced his spelling words for the next Bee? Well, not much. And it shows. We gave him the week after the Bee off as a "break", and then we found it hard to get back into the habit of practicing the spelling words on a regular basis. We have asked him his spelling words periodically and we discovered that words that he previously knew how to spell, were becoming difficult again. And he was losing some of his confidence. And he was waiting for us to do something about it.
Now, I know- he's only ten years old. The fact that he wants to even be in the Spelling Bee and stand in front of a group of people is to be highly commended. And it is, and we have told him that. But I had really hoped that Jonah would start remembering to find the time to practice on his own. Well, so far, he hadn't. It was a certain series of books with a certain characted named Harry Potter that he felt needed re-reading right now. Yes, he loves to read and that is also very very commendable, but not the most effective way to prepare for a Spelling Bee.
Last week I realized time was ticking away and I was really getting concerned about Jonah's lack of preparation for the next Spelling Bee (which, as I type, is now only six days away). Didn't he remember how we had to learn so many words in just two weeks, and now we had even less time? So, over this past weekend, I had a little heart-to-heart with him and suggested that Harry Potter be put aside until after the Bee was over. He could still read them for his 30 minutes of required reading for school each day, but that was it. Harry Potter would be there after the Spelling Bee was over, but preparing for the Spelling Bee was only going to be around for a short time. The Bee needed to be his priority right now. He had come too far to let it slide now. Thankfully, he agreed.
(Side note: when your kids are readers, like both of mine are, reminding your kids to put their books away every now and then to do something else that needs to be done becomes a way of life. It may seem weird to you,, but it is a common occurence at our house, and at times, something as good as reading becomes a distraction, just as anything else can. Just because reading is a good choice, doesn't mean it's always the most appropriate choice. Something to keep in mind... ).
I am happy to say that preparations have begun again, with the stipulation that he makes sure that he puts as much effort into preparing for this Bee as he had for the last. That he promise to work at it little by little, with our help, everyday. And like a dutiful mother, LOL, I have reminded him that this was his choice, to be in the Spelling Bee and that he needs to honor the commitment he made to this Bee when he first took that spelling test last December. I also reminded him that he isn't in the Bee to win, that we do want him to have fun with it, but we do want him to give his best effort. To my delight, he actually commented this morning that preparing for the Bee again has reminded him of why he wanted to do it in the first place, that he actually doesn't mind working hard at something a little bit everyday, and how good it feels to get better at something. (He is such an amazing boy sometimes... )
This is where the tortoise and de-cluttering come in. At my church, I am helping lead a Bible Study on "De-Cluttering Our Lives". We are talking about all kinds of clutter (household & paper clutter mostly, but also financial, emotional, mental, "body clutter", etc.) We have been meeting since the beginning of the year, with varying degrees of progress. Getting people to find the time in their busy lives to de-clutter has proven to be more difficult than I had anticipated. This group is made up of very generous, loving, giving, smart women who would do just about anything for someone else. Finding the time to do something for themselves and their home was proving to be quite a challenge for them, and was probably the source of their clutter problem.
There was a small group of us that met this week, and I think one of my friends made a very important break-through! She made the statement that, although she was committed to de-cluttering, she didn't always have the time for it. And when she did find the time, she was very slow at it, and methodical. She felt she was making progress, but it was so slow! She felt very much like the tortoise. And as our Pastor, who is also part of this group, gently reminded her, "Well, we all know who won that race!". Bingo. Suddenly it seemed much clearer to all of us. Slow and steady. Little by little. Everyday. Hmmm... what a concept!
Now, I am already a huge fan of de-cluttering a little bit everyday, and for me, it's more about maintaining my now more manageable amount of clutter each and every day, or as often as possible. When you reach a certain maintenance level, you have the confidence to know that even if you don't get to something right away, even three to four times a week makes a huge difference. You get a little behind, but you can catch up very quickly. Daily maintenance is better, but since we are not perfect, we do the best we can. It's kind of like when you have lost a lot of weight and you indulge one day and then have the self-discipline to get right back into your better eating habits the next day. Or, as my son Jonah has begun to learn, once he became confident with what he needed to do to prepare for the Spelling Bee and developed the self-discipline of practicing his words daily, even when he he missed a chunk of time, he was able to get ride back into the habit of studying them everyday.
When it comes to de-cluttering, I have developed a certain amout of self-discipline. It is a habit for me now. (Believe me- I wasn't born with it!) Often there are obstacles in my way, obstacles I like to refer to as distractions. If I were writing this blog several years ago, it would have been a distraction from the de-cluttering I needed to do. If I don't continue to walk everyday this winter, this blog might be seen as a distraction for me, so I make every effort to continue my walking so I can continue my blog. I'm now working on becoming more balanced so I can make room for the things that are important to me. We all have obstacles, and distractions, and other things we need to or want to do- that is just part of life. The trick is how we deal with them.
For many, I do think that there are many obstacles in their way when it comes to de-cluttering- it isn't just about the stuff. Just like it wasn't all about the race for the totoise or the hare. It's about choices. It's about time management- and learning to start out slow and steady. It's about making certain tasks a priority. It's about distractions- and learning how to deal with them. Temporarily removing a beloved distraction made it much easier for Jonah to make the Spelling Bee a priority for him right now. Balancing my time between blogging, walking, decreasing our debt and de-cluttering are my focus right now.
It's about, dare I say it, doing something for yourself and then doing what it takes to get it done so you can then move on to do other things. and developing the confidence and self-disipline with which to do it. There, I said it!
Believe me, there are plenty of days when I would rather do other things first. Maybe Harry Potter isn't calling me the way he calls Jonah, but other things do call me. Other things call us everyday. Everyday is full of choices and distractions. What is calling you? Some choices are emergencies, and that can't be helped, but many are not, and those choices become our distractions. Even many of the good things we do. Jonah reading a book when he needed to focus on something else was, for him, a distraction. I could list numerous things that could distract me and I fight them each and every day. You are not alone.
Most of us, especially women, were taught to do for others and not for ourselves, and that doing for ourselves is selfish. I encourage you to try to look at that another way. How many times have you done something for someone else, only to find that it left you with little or no time or energy to do something for yourself? It made you feel good at the time, and no doubt the receiver of your good deed appreciated it, but you still got nothing done for yourself. Practice the art of saying no. Say it to people you feel safe with first, then build more confidence. Like anything else, it gets easier with practice. It might feel good to feel needed by others, but right now, you need yourself!
And maybe others offered to help you in return, but I'm guesing you proudly turned that help away. "I can do it myself," you said. We don't even turn to God for help. Well, how is that working for you so far?
Make this day the day that you do what needs to be done- for you. Take that first step today. Then take that next step tomorrow. And the next day and the next day. It takes commitment and confidence and self-discipline to see beyond the distractions, even the well-meaning ones. Start by doing the things that make you confident. Do only the things you want to commit to- let go of the things you cannot or do not want to commit to right now. I assure you, it's ok. That will help you manage your time better. If you don't have self-discipline, and many of us don't, pray for some. I pray for it everyday as I make life changes. And it's working. Asking for God's help, and the help of others, is not a sign of weakness- it is a sign of strength. My friends, you are strong- and even stronger than you believe.
Today, and everyday, I pray all my friends in my de-cluttering group. And for anyone else reading this. I pray that you become more like the tortoise as he ran his race. And like Jonah, as he prepares for his Spelling Bee. Both started out slowly and continued steadily, and never gave up. I encourage you to find the confidence to develop the focus and self-discipline you need to prepare for whatever challenges you are facing. And to pray for God to walk beside you so that you are never alone as we run this race together called Life.
You see, my son is going to be in our school's district Spelling Bee next week. He particpated in his elementary school's Spelling Bee last month, which consisted of fourth and fifth graders, and by finsihing in the Top 10, he is able to move on to the next Bee, where he will compete with fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh and eighth graders.
Naturally, we were incredibly proud of him and his efforts for being in a Spelling Bee. But we knew that with Being in a Spelling Bee comes Great Responsibility. Our daughter was in the Spelling Bee a few years ago, and we hadn't forgotten how much time was involved in preparing for the Bee. We didn't want to discourage him, but we did tell that it was going to be hard work, so he needed to think long and hard before signing up to take the spelling test that is a precursor for being in the bee (the Top 20 from this test are chosen for the bee).
You see, in our house, if you commit to something, it is a 100% commitment, or as close to 100% commitment as you can possibly give. If you can only give, say 50% or even 75%, we don't participate, and that goes for the adults, too. And no, we don't expect them to win or be the best or anything like that- just to be fully committed and do their best.
Well, Jonah insisted that this was what he REALLY wanted to do, so he took the test in December, and placed in the Top 20. A list of spelling words were sent home over Christmas vacation for him to study and learn to spell. Can you guess how much time we spent practicing those spelling words? Not much. When he returned to school after Christmas break, we only had two weeks to prepare! We weren't sure if this was enough time, but we tried to make the most if it.
We concentrated on the easier words first. We got him into the habit of repeating the word back to us, just as they want you to do in the Bee, so the judges know you heard the word correctly. We focused on him being confident and on spelling each word slowly and clearly. We did this little by little, nearly everyday, for two weeks. We moved into harder words and he learned how to spell many of them, but we never got to the hardest words. We reasoned that because this was the fourth and fifth grade Bee, they probably wouldn't get to the hardest words anyway, and for the most part, that proved to be true. He had the misfortune of being the first speller of the Bee, and the first speller of each round, but his confidence shined! He came in fifth place and was the last fourth grader left. The words he missed was "ecstatic"- a word we hadn't even spent a lot of time on. His first spelling Bee was s success!
Well, that Spelling Bee was a month ago. Can you guess how much Jonah has practiced his spelling words for the next Bee? Well, not much. And it shows. We gave him the week after the Bee off as a "break", and then we found it hard to get back into the habit of practicing the spelling words on a regular basis. We have asked him his spelling words periodically and we discovered that words that he previously knew how to spell, were becoming difficult again. And he was losing some of his confidence. And he was waiting for us to do something about it.
Now, I know- he's only ten years old. The fact that he wants to even be in the Spelling Bee and stand in front of a group of people is to be highly commended. And it is, and we have told him that. But I had really hoped that Jonah would start remembering to find the time to practice on his own. Well, so far, he hadn't. It was a certain series of books with a certain characted named Harry Potter that he felt needed re-reading right now. Yes, he loves to read and that is also very very commendable, but not the most effective way to prepare for a Spelling Bee.
Last week I realized time was ticking away and I was really getting concerned about Jonah's lack of preparation for the next Spelling Bee (which, as I type, is now only six days away). Didn't he remember how we had to learn so many words in just two weeks, and now we had even less time? So, over this past weekend, I had a little heart-to-heart with him and suggested that Harry Potter be put aside until after the Bee was over. He could still read them for his 30 minutes of required reading for school each day, but that was it. Harry Potter would be there after the Spelling Bee was over, but preparing for the Spelling Bee was only going to be around for a short time. The Bee needed to be his priority right now. He had come too far to let it slide now. Thankfully, he agreed.
(Side note: when your kids are readers, like both of mine are, reminding your kids to put their books away every now and then to do something else that needs to be done becomes a way of life. It may seem weird to you,, but it is a common occurence at our house, and at times, something as good as reading becomes a distraction, just as anything else can. Just because reading is a good choice, doesn't mean it's always the most appropriate choice. Something to keep in mind... ).
I am happy to say that preparations have begun again, with the stipulation that he makes sure that he puts as much effort into preparing for this Bee as he had for the last. That he promise to work at it little by little, with our help, everyday. And like a dutiful mother, LOL, I have reminded him that this was his choice, to be in the Spelling Bee and that he needs to honor the commitment he made to this Bee when he first took that spelling test last December. I also reminded him that he isn't in the Bee to win, that we do want him to have fun with it, but we do want him to give his best effort. To my delight, he actually commented this morning that preparing for the Bee again has reminded him of why he wanted to do it in the first place, that he actually doesn't mind working hard at something a little bit everyday, and how good it feels to get better at something. (He is such an amazing boy sometimes... )
This is where the tortoise and de-cluttering come in. At my church, I am helping lead a Bible Study on "De-Cluttering Our Lives". We are talking about all kinds of clutter (household & paper clutter mostly, but also financial, emotional, mental, "body clutter", etc.) We have been meeting since the beginning of the year, with varying degrees of progress. Getting people to find the time in their busy lives to de-clutter has proven to be more difficult than I had anticipated. This group is made up of very generous, loving, giving, smart women who would do just about anything for someone else. Finding the time to do something for themselves and their home was proving to be quite a challenge for them, and was probably the source of their clutter problem.
There was a small group of us that met this week, and I think one of my friends made a very important break-through! She made the statement that, although she was committed to de-cluttering, she didn't always have the time for it. And when she did find the time, she was very slow at it, and methodical. She felt she was making progress, but it was so slow! She felt very much like the tortoise. And as our Pastor, who is also part of this group, gently reminded her, "Well, we all know who won that race!". Bingo. Suddenly it seemed much clearer to all of us. Slow and steady. Little by little. Everyday. Hmmm... what a concept!
Now, I am already a huge fan of de-cluttering a little bit everyday, and for me, it's more about maintaining my now more manageable amount of clutter each and every day, or as often as possible. When you reach a certain maintenance level, you have the confidence to know that even if you don't get to something right away, even three to four times a week makes a huge difference. You get a little behind, but you can catch up very quickly. Daily maintenance is better, but since we are not perfect, we do the best we can. It's kind of like when you have lost a lot of weight and you indulge one day and then have the self-discipline to get right back into your better eating habits the next day. Or, as my son Jonah has begun to learn, once he became confident with what he needed to do to prepare for the Spelling Bee and developed the self-discipline of practicing his words daily, even when he he missed a chunk of time, he was able to get ride back into the habit of studying them everyday.
When it comes to de-cluttering, I have developed a certain amout of self-discipline. It is a habit for me now. (Believe me- I wasn't born with it!) Often there are obstacles in my way, obstacles I like to refer to as distractions. If I were writing this blog several years ago, it would have been a distraction from the de-cluttering I needed to do. If I don't continue to walk everyday this winter, this blog might be seen as a distraction for me, so I make every effort to continue my walking so I can continue my blog. I'm now working on becoming more balanced so I can make room for the things that are important to me. We all have obstacles, and distractions, and other things we need to or want to do- that is just part of life. The trick is how we deal with them.
For many, I do think that there are many obstacles in their way when it comes to de-cluttering- it isn't just about the stuff. Just like it wasn't all about the race for the totoise or the hare. It's about choices. It's about time management- and learning to start out slow and steady. It's about making certain tasks a priority. It's about distractions- and learning how to deal with them. Temporarily removing a beloved distraction made it much easier for Jonah to make the Spelling Bee a priority for him right now. Balancing my time between blogging, walking, decreasing our debt and de-cluttering are my focus right now.
It's about, dare I say it, doing something for yourself and then doing what it takes to get it done so you can then move on to do other things. and developing the confidence and self-disipline with which to do it. There, I said it!
Believe me, there are plenty of days when I would rather do other things first. Maybe Harry Potter isn't calling me the way he calls Jonah, but other things do call me. Other things call us everyday. Everyday is full of choices and distractions. What is calling you? Some choices are emergencies, and that can't be helped, but many are not, and those choices become our distractions. Even many of the good things we do. Jonah reading a book when he needed to focus on something else was, for him, a distraction. I could list numerous things that could distract me and I fight them each and every day. You are not alone.
Most of us, especially women, were taught to do for others and not for ourselves, and that doing for ourselves is selfish. I encourage you to try to look at that another way. How many times have you done something for someone else, only to find that it left you with little or no time or energy to do something for yourself? It made you feel good at the time, and no doubt the receiver of your good deed appreciated it, but you still got nothing done for yourself. Practice the art of saying no. Say it to people you feel safe with first, then build more confidence. Like anything else, it gets easier with practice. It might feel good to feel needed by others, but right now, you need yourself!
And maybe others offered to help you in return, but I'm guesing you proudly turned that help away. "I can do it myself," you said. We don't even turn to God for help. Well, how is that working for you so far?
Make this day the day that you do what needs to be done- for you. Take that first step today. Then take that next step tomorrow. And the next day and the next day. It takes commitment and confidence and self-discipline to see beyond the distractions, even the well-meaning ones. Start by doing the things that make you confident. Do only the things you want to commit to- let go of the things you cannot or do not want to commit to right now. I assure you, it's ok. That will help you manage your time better. If you don't have self-discipline, and many of us don't, pray for some. I pray for it everyday as I make life changes. And it's working. Asking for God's help, and the help of others, is not a sign of weakness- it is a sign of strength. My friends, you are strong- and even stronger than you believe.
Today, and everyday, I pray all my friends in my de-cluttering group. And for anyone else reading this. I pray that you become more like the tortoise as he ran his race. And like Jonah, as he prepares for his Spelling Bee. Both started out slowly and continued steadily, and never gave up. I encourage you to find the confidence to develop the focus and self-discipline you need to prepare for whatever challenges you are facing. And to pray for God to walk beside you so that you are never alone as we run this race together called Life.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
It's Good To Want
When our children were smaller and would ask for something, often, as many children do, my husband would playfully respond to them with this remark, "It's good to want". Meaning- it's good to want, but it doesn't mean you'll get it. At least from us. And it also implied that whatever it was that they wanted at that particular moment, it was fleeting. Something else would come along that they would want. It was his gentle way of saying "No, you don't really want that as much as you think you do, you don't really need it and you can't have it". He still says it from time to time, as do I.
As I reflect on those words today, they speak to me a bit differently now. It IS good to want, within reason. But most importantly, for me, I think it's good to think about what I REALLY want most and what will benefit my life. As I continue on my journey of being healthier, becoming debt-free, living a simpler life, etc. those wants have changed. At least, I like to think they have changed.
Now, I'm not talking about basic needs here. I am blessed with a life in which my daily needs are met- food, water, clothing, shelter, love... and having those needs met is something I try more and more to be grateful for and not take for granted. My family is also blessed with good health right now, for which we are also greatly appreciative. And when you really consider your blessings, that makes your wants shrink in comparison.
In the past, my list of wants would have been of the more material nature. I was always lamenting about wanting a new house. More money. Better vacations. A skinny body. A great wardrobe, maybe to go with that skinny body I could show off on vacation. More time. More stuff. Perfect children. Perfect husband. Perfect life. And those are just off the top of my head. I'm sure if I thought for a few more minutes I would come up with many more, but I will spare you.
I can't pinpoint exactly how it happened, or the moment it happened, but over time, those things have become less important to me. For example, while my house isn't perfect, it is the right size for us. If it were any bigger, we wouldn't spend as much time together and if it had that extra bedroom or bigger closets I had always wanted, I would just acquire more stuff to fill them. It still needs some work, but I'm slowly learning to take better care of and better appreciate the house that we live in. And I'm learning to take better care of the people who live in it, too.
Which leads me to my all-encompassing want or desire:
I want to appreciate all that I am and all that I have in the best ways that I can.
For me, this means I want to be satisfied with what I have in my life that is important to me. I really do have so much- why do I think I need more? And I want to love myself and the people in my life as they are today.
Here are some ways I want to achieve that kind of life. If hard-pressed I'm sure I could probably add more, but this is what speaks to me right now:
1. I want to always be myself.
And that includes liking myself as I am, warts and all. And the things that I don't like about myself, instead of complaining about them so much, if it is in my power, I want to find a way to change the things I don't like. For example, if I don't like my body the way it is, I ask myself- what can I do to make it better? And then I add those things to my life. I already walk more, drink more water, sleep more and i try to eat healthier, and I will continue to do those things. (I don't like that I am short, but that is something I cannot change). I really want to find my true self. Often I find that I fluctuate from being very quiet and shy to being very outspoken and opinionated, depending on who I am with. And usually there is very littile inbetween. I want to embrace all of those qualities about myself and find how those qualities make up who I want to be all of the time. Not perfectly, but in a way that better reflects the real me, instead of a watered-down, split-personality version of what others me to be. "To thine own self be true". Thanks, Will.
2. I want to let go of the idea of perfection..
Often, just doing something is good enough 9as long as it isn't harming someone). Can we still strive to be better? Sure. Can we still strive to be the best we can be? I think so. Does it have to perfect? I want to make that answer a "no". Even if we don't consider ourselves to be a "perfectionist" (and I personally don't think I am one, though I have perfectionist tendencies, at that's what I keep telling myself, LOL!), most of us do have areas of our lives where we expect perfection. We may not always achieve perfection, but we often crave it, or feel it is expceted. Ironically, often that yearning holds us back from doing the things we want to do because we know we will never achieve perfection. While setting up this blog, I tried so hard to make it "perfect". But then I realized, I have never done a blog before. I'm still learning. Right now it's the best darn blog I know how to create. Do I want it to be better? Yes, and hopefully it will be, over time. But if I waited for it to be "perfect", it wouldn't be here today. I still try to dot all my i's and cross all my t's, but typos and grammatical errors do get past me from time to time. I may not always spell something correctly or use perfect grammar, I may be too long-winded or unintentionally preachy at times, but my heart and soul are in this blog, and I truly am doing my best. And I have to remember that about others in my life, especially my family, that most days we are all doing the best we can. I want to spend more time doing the things that make me feel good and with people that make me feel good, but also embrace the imperfect in my life.
3. I want to live within my means.
Recently, my husband and I faced our financial debt head on. It wasn't pretty. We had to make some pretty tough decisions about our finances. Strike that. We WANTED to make some tough financial choices. We could have kept on cruising the way we were. I mean, it had worked for us so far, right? Wrong. If we were completely honest with ourselves, we knew it wasn't working for us. And it wasn't working because we were living extravagently, which we weren't, it was because we weren't living within our means. We weren't making good choices with our finances. We were giving into too many material wants. And it wasn't any one particular thing, which for us, made it difficult to cut back. At first. But once we started cutting back, we just kept going. We cut out going out to eat, one of our favorite things, but as a result, we now plan a Weekly Menu and we only buy what we need each week. We also eat healthier now and are able to control our portions. We also cut out school lunches, which also enables us to control what our children eat. We also eliminated most of our cable and cut out extra activities that we had to pay for. As a result, we are all at home together more, we are wathcing less TV, we are reading more, and there is MUCH less stress in our lives. It has taken discipline to make these changes, but because we know one of our biggest goals is to get rid of that debt, it is easier to stay focused. It isn't perfect, but we take it one day at a time. So for us, giving up overspending gave us so much more.
4. I want to live in a home that is pleasing to both me and to my family.
.
I am blessed to have a home. Period. We all know people who have lost their homes and many of their possessions in fires or some other natural disaster. And while I know they will tell you what a blessing it is if they were lucky enough to escape with their life and their family's lives, it is also blessing to to them to have a home again, a home in which to keep everyone safe. Not a home for their stuff, but a home for their family. Family first- always. But beyond family- or if you live alone, beyond yourself- there is stuff. Everybody has it. Lots of folks talk about it, some people hoard it, some people hide it. Often people even brag about their really cool stuff and achieve to own more stuff. But a lot of people don't know what to do about it, how to take care of it or when they have enough stuff.
This is such a personal thing that I can only share my relationship with my stuff. Mostly, I hate stuff. No, really. And I hate stuff because it needs taking care of, because stuff never seems to figure out how to take care of itself and having it around where I have to look at it all the time creates not only more work for me, but it also creates visual clutter that just sucks the life right out of me. I think that's one of the reasons I have grown to love my house. (Did I just say I love my house? Wow, I HAVE come a long way!). Anyone who says bigger is better hasn't tried living in a small-ish house with less stuff, because I guarantee you, that if you live in a big or biggish house, you will try to fill it with more stuff, simply because you can. Unless you are very disciplined, it's very difficult to keep extra stuff out of your house and only keep what you need and want. And once it comes in, it's even harder to get rid of. It's kind of like head lice. (Yeah, that's not a pretty image AT ALL!) But maybe it you start looking at this extra stuff for what it can potenially turn you into- a CLUTTERBUG- then maybe, just maybe, you can find a way to keep it from coming into your house in the first place. And once it does come in, I pray that you can develop a system for keeping the things you truly want to keep and and enjoy, and a way to get rid of the things you really don't want to keep. Don't wait until you lose your home to a fire or flood to appreciate your home and all that it means to you.
5. I want to have more fun.
Sometimes, I think I come across as a very serious person. And I think that I can be, or that I can come across as being a lot more serious than I really am. I like to think that is my passion at work. I'm really passionate about the things that are important to me- music, decluttering, simplifying my life, my children, my religious beliefs, education, etc. I may not be the "party girl" I once was 30 years ago, but I do think that there is a really fun person inside of me. Perhaps some of my "perfectionist tendencies" spill over into my passions, and then I take things in life a bit too seriously, and then I guess I come across as being really serious or even as a perfectionist. Saying the right thing, doing the right thing... such a struggle I have with this. And then if think I have unintentionally offended someone, or someone disagrees with me, or doesn't "get" my passion, then I take it too personally. I usually get over it pretty quickly, but I always remind myself that I need to lighten up a litte. So I want to loosen up and have more fun.
For starters, I know I don't smile a lot, even if I am happy. So I will try to smile more. Even if I have to "fake it til I make it" at first. We are not a silly, rough-housing kind of family. I want to be more silly. We laugh at home, but I want there to be more laughter. I want to laugh at spilled milk, not cry over it. I want to impose less guilt on my children because they didn't get a 100 on a spelling test or math quiz. I want to play a game and lose more graciously, (yes, even at my age, I am not often a gracious loser, or winner!). I want to smile at my husband for remembering to bring home the milk even if he brought home the wrong kind. I want to let comments about my obsession with decluttering roll off of me because it doesn't do any good to do anything else. I want to listen to music that makes me sing, read books that make me laugh right out loud, and I want to go for long walks that energize me so I can experience fun, new things. We only have one life- shouldn't it be fun? I want my kids to remember growing up in our house as being fun.
6. I want to make a positive difference in the world.
I'm totally serious (in a fun, non-perfectionist kind of way!) when I say that- I want to change people's lives. And I secretly have always wanted to, but I never, ever thought I could, and in a way that was personal for me. Even now it sounds self-serving as I type this out. But I want to give people hope and laughter and fulfillment, etc. where maybe there isn't any. Or there is, but they can't see it. I used to think that you could only do this in big ways or with money, but I am learning that this can be done in small ways and for free or little money. This can also be done in small groups when like-minded people come together. I think that's why I actually do like to go to church and why my family makes time to go to church every week. We love that feeling of community. That feeling that if we all come together, we can make a difference. One of my favorite quotes is this one, attributed to Margaret Mead:
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed it's the only thing that ever has".
Well said, Margaret. To be honest, this is a relatively new quote for me. I spotted it on a postcard that was on display at the gift shop in The Women's National Historic Park, which is located in my hometown of Seneca Falls, New York. That's right folks, I live in the town that is the birthplace of Women's Rights. And not only do I live there, but my family has lived here and in the surrounding area for generations. Many generations. In fact, my great-great grandparents are Jane and Richard Hunt. Jane and Richard are Quakers who lived in the next-door community of Waterloo, NY. It was at their house that they invited Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Lucretia Mott, and a few Quaker women to tea on a hot July day in 1848. At some point during tea, talk turned to "woman's rights" and the women decided to meet again and plan for the first Women's Rights Convention, which was held the following week. Jane and Richard attended the convention, aong with several of Richard's sisters, and they all signed the Declaration of Sentiments, written by Elizabeth Cady Stanton, which called for equal rights for women. The fact that my ancestors knew Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Frederick Douglass and played a pivotal role in the beginning of the Women's Rights Movement just blows me away, and it does every time I think about it. Now, truth be told, my ancestors did not actively continue to pursue women's rights as Stanton did, but they were active abolitionists and their home was a part of the Underground Railroad, which also blows me away. I coud not be prouder of them for all they were able to do in their lifetimes.
Which makes me ask myself:
What am I doing to make a positive difference in my word?
What can I do to make a difference in my world- myself, my home, my community, my world? I do think that it does begin with myself. I do think it can then spread to my home and my community- and who knows, maybe somehow, if it is God's will, it will spread to the whole world. To paraphrase Margaret Mead, never underestimate that even one person can make a difference. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever does.
So, as I continue on this personal journey, in a way that is pleasing to me without achieving perfection, and if I continue living within my means, I want to think that perhaps I can somehow make a difference to someone, somewhere.
It is good to want...
As I reflect on those words today, they speak to me a bit differently now. It IS good to want, within reason. But most importantly, for me, I think it's good to think about what I REALLY want most and what will benefit my life. As I continue on my journey of being healthier, becoming debt-free, living a simpler life, etc. those wants have changed. At least, I like to think they have changed.
Now, I'm not talking about basic needs here. I am blessed with a life in which my daily needs are met- food, water, clothing, shelter, love... and having those needs met is something I try more and more to be grateful for and not take for granted. My family is also blessed with good health right now, for which we are also greatly appreciative. And when you really consider your blessings, that makes your wants shrink in comparison.
In the past, my list of wants would have been of the more material nature. I was always lamenting about wanting a new house. More money. Better vacations. A skinny body. A great wardrobe, maybe to go with that skinny body I could show off on vacation. More time. More stuff. Perfect children. Perfect husband. Perfect life. And those are just off the top of my head. I'm sure if I thought for a few more minutes I would come up with many more, but I will spare you.
I can't pinpoint exactly how it happened, or the moment it happened, but over time, those things have become less important to me. For example, while my house isn't perfect, it is the right size for us. If it were any bigger, we wouldn't spend as much time together and if it had that extra bedroom or bigger closets I had always wanted, I would just acquire more stuff to fill them. It still needs some work, but I'm slowly learning to take better care of and better appreciate the house that we live in. And I'm learning to take better care of the people who live in it, too.
Which leads me to my all-encompassing want or desire:
I want to appreciate all that I am and all that I have in the best ways that I can.
For me, this means I want to be satisfied with what I have in my life that is important to me. I really do have so much- why do I think I need more? And I want to love myself and the people in my life as they are today.
Here are some ways I want to achieve that kind of life. If hard-pressed I'm sure I could probably add more, but this is what speaks to me right now:
1. I want to always be myself.
And that includes liking myself as I am, warts and all. And the things that I don't like about myself, instead of complaining about them so much, if it is in my power, I want to find a way to change the things I don't like. For example, if I don't like my body the way it is, I ask myself- what can I do to make it better? And then I add those things to my life. I already walk more, drink more water, sleep more and i try to eat healthier, and I will continue to do those things. (I don't like that I am short, but that is something I cannot change). I really want to find my true self. Often I find that I fluctuate from being very quiet and shy to being very outspoken and opinionated, depending on who I am with. And usually there is very littile inbetween. I want to embrace all of those qualities about myself and find how those qualities make up who I want to be all of the time. Not perfectly, but in a way that better reflects the real me, instead of a watered-down, split-personality version of what others me to be. "To thine own self be true". Thanks, Will.
2. I want to let go of the idea of perfection..
Often, just doing something is good enough 9as long as it isn't harming someone). Can we still strive to be better? Sure. Can we still strive to be the best we can be? I think so. Does it have to perfect? I want to make that answer a "no". Even if we don't consider ourselves to be a "perfectionist" (and I personally don't think I am one, though I have perfectionist tendencies, at that's what I keep telling myself, LOL!), most of us do have areas of our lives where we expect perfection. We may not always achieve perfection, but we often crave it, or feel it is expceted. Ironically, often that yearning holds us back from doing the things we want to do because we know we will never achieve perfection. While setting up this blog, I tried so hard to make it "perfect". But then I realized, I have never done a blog before. I'm still learning. Right now it's the best darn blog I know how to create. Do I want it to be better? Yes, and hopefully it will be, over time. But if I waited for it to be "perfect", it wouldn't be here today. I still try to dot all my i's and cross all my t's, but typos and grammatical errors do get past me from time to time. I may not always spell something correctly or use perfect grammar, I may be too long-winded or unintentionally preachy at times, but my heart and soul are in this blog, and I truly am doing my best. And I have to remember that about others in my life, especially my family, that most days we are all doing the best we can. I want to spend more time doing the things that make me feel good and with people that make me feel good, but also embrace the imperfect in my life.
3. I want to live within my means.
Recently, my husband and I faced our financial debt head on. It wasn't pretty. We had to make some pretty tough decisions about our finances. Strike that. We WANTED to make some tough financial choices. We could have kept on cruising the way we were. I mean, it had worked for us so far, right? Wrong. If we were completely honest with ourselves, we knew it wasn't working for us. And it wasn't working because we were living extravagently, which we weren't, it was because we weren't living within our means. We weren't making good choices with our finances. We were giving into too many material wants. And it wasn't any one particular thing, which for us, made it difficult to cut back. At first. But once we started cutting back, we just kept going. We cut out going out to eat, one of our favorite things, but as a result, we now plan a Weekly Menu and we only buy what we need each week. We also eat healthier now and are able to control our portions. We also cut out school lunches, which also enables us to control what our children eat. We also eliminated most of our cable and cut out extra activities that we had to pay for. As a result, we are all at home together more, we are wathcing less TV, we are reading more, and there is MUCH less stress in our lives. It has taken discipline to make these changes, but because we know one of our biggest goals is to get rid of that debt, it is easier to stay focused. It isn't perfect, but we take it one day at a time. So for us, giving up overspending gave us so much more.
4. I want to live in a home that is pleasing to both me and to my family.
.
I am blessed to have a home. Period. We all know people who have lost their homes and many of their possessions in fires or some other natural disaster. And while I know they will tell you what a blessing it is if they were lucky enough to escape with their life and their family's lives, it is also blessing to to them to have a home again, a home in which to keep everyone safe. Not a home for their stuff, but a home for their family. Family first- always. But beyond family- or if you live alone, beyond yourself- there is stuff. Everybody has it. Lots of folks talk about it, some people hoard it, some people hide it. Often people even brag about their really cool stuff and achieve to own more stuff. But a lot of people don't know what to do about it, how to take care of it or when they have enough stuff.
This is such a personal thing that I can only share my relationship with my stuff. Mostly, I hate stuff. No, really. And I hate stuff because it needs taking care of, because stuff never seems to figure out how to take care of itself and having it around where I have to look at it all the time creates not only more work for me, but it also creates visual clutter that just sucks the life right out of me. I think that's one of the reasons I have grown to love my house. (Did I just say I love my house? Wow, I HAVE come a long way!). Anyone who says bigger is better hasn't tried living in a small-ish house with less stuff, because I guarantee you, that if you live in a big or biggish house, you will try to fill it with more stuff, simply because you can. Unless you are very disciplined, it's very difficult to keep extra stuff out of your house and only keep what you need and want. And once it comes in, it's even harder to get rid of. It's kind of like head lice. (Yeah, that's not a pretty image AT ALL!) But maybe it you start looking at this extra stuff for what it can potenially turn you into- a CLUTTERBUG- then maybe, just maybe, you can find a way to keep it from coming into your house in the first place. And once it does come in, I pray that you can develop a system for keeping the things you truly want to keep and and enjoy, and a way to get rid of the things you really don't want to keep. Don't wait until you lose your home to a fire or flood to appreciate your home and all that it means to you.
5. I want to have more fun.
Sometimes, I think I come across as a very serious person. And I think that I can be, or that I can come across as being a lot more serious than I really am. I like to think that is my passion at work. I'm really passionate about the things that are important to me- music, decluttering, simplifying my life, my children, my religious beliefs, education, etc. I may not be the "party girl" I once was 30 years ago, but I do think that there is a really fun person inside of me. Perhaps some of my "perfectionist tendencies" spill over into my passions, and then I take things in life a bit too seriously, and then I guess I come across as being really serious or even as a perfectionist. Saying the right thing, doing the right thing... such a struggle I have with this. And then if think I have unintentionally offended someone, or someone disagrees with me, or doesn't "get" my passion, then I take it too personally. I usually get over it pretty quickly, but I always remind myself that I need to lighten up a litte. So I want to loosen up and have more fun.
For starters, I know I don't smile a lot, even if I am happy. So I will try to smile more. Even if I have to "fake it til I make it" at first. We are not a silly, rough-housing kind of family. I want to be more silly. We laugh at home, but I want there to be more laughter. I want to laugh at spilled milk, not cry over it. I want to impose less guilt on my children because they didn't get a 100 on a spelling test or math quiz. I want to play a game and lose more graciously, (yes, even at my age, I am not often a gracious loser, or winner!). I want to smile at my husband for remembering to bring home the milk even if he brought home the wrong kind. I want to let comments about my obsession with decluttering roll off of me because it doesn't do any good to do anything else. I want to listen to music that makes me sing, read books that make me laugh right out loud, and I want to go for long walks that energize me so I can experience fun, new things. We only have one life- shouldn't it be fun? I want my kids to remember growing up in our house as being fun.
6. I want to make a positive difference in the world.
I'm totally serious (in a fun, non-perfectionist kind of way!) when I say that- I want to change people's lives. And I secretly have always wanted to, but I never, ever thought I could, and in a way that was personal for me. Even now it sounds self-serving as I type this out. But I want to give people hope and laughter and fulfillment, etc. where maybe there isn't any. Or there is, but they can't see it. I used to think that you could only do this in big ways or with money, but I am learning that this can be done in small ways and for free or little money. This can also be done in small groups when like-minded people come together. I think that's why I actually do like to go to church and why my family makes time to go to church every week. We love that feeling of community. That feeling that if we all come together, we can make a difference. One of my favorite quotes is this one, attributed to Margaret Mead:
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed it's the only thing that ever has".
Well said, Margaret. To be honest, this is a relatively new quote for me. I spotted it on a postcard that was on display at the gift shop in The Women's National Historic Park, which is located in my hometown of Seneca Falls, New York. That's right folks, I live in the town that is the birthplace of Women's Rights. And not only do I live there, but my family has lived here and in the surrounding area for generations. Many generations. In fact, my great-great grandparents are Jane and Richard Hunt. Jane and Richard are Quakers who lived in the next-door community of Waterloo, NY. It was at their house that they invited Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Lucretia Mott, and a few Quaker women to tea on a hot July day in 1848. At some point during tea, talk turned to "woman's rights" and the women decided to meet again and plan for the first Women's Rights Convention, which was held the following week. Jane and Richard attended the convention, aong with several of Richard's sisters, and they all signed the Declaration of Sentiments, written by Elizabeth Cady Stanton, which called for equal rights for women. The fact that my ancestors knew Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Frederick Douglass and played a pivotal role in the beginning of the Women's Rights Movement just blows me away, and it does every time I think about it. Now, truth be told, my ancestors did not actively continue to pursue women's rights as Stanton did, but they were active abolitionists and their home was a part of the Underground Railroad, which also blows me away. I coud not be prouder of them for all they were able to do in their lifetimes.
Which makes me ask myself:
What am I doing to make a positive difference in my word?
What can I do to make a difference in my world- myself, my home, my community, my world? I do think that it does begin with myself. I do think it can then spread to my home and my community- and who knows, maybe somehow, if it is God's will, it will spread to the whole world. To paraphrase Margaret Mead, never underestimate that even one person can make a difference. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever does.
So, as I continue on this personal journey, in a way that is pleasing to me without achieving perfection, and if I continue living within my means, I want to think that perhaps I can somehow make a difference to someone, somewhere.
It is good to want...
Monday, February 6, 2012
Time Management for Busy Lives
I can't remember who said it or even where I read it, but I recently read that we are all given the same 24 hours each day- the trick is how we choose to spend those 24 hours. I suppose for some, and at certain phases of our life, we don't get a lot of choices on how we spend the hours of our day, or at least it feels like we don't. But for many, we do have choices. You choose what time you go to bed at night, what time you get up in the morning, where you work, what you do on your lunch hour, the activities you choose to do (or not do) after work, the amount of TV you watch or computer time you log in a day, the amount of excercise you get in a week... I think you get the idea.
I recently came to the conclusion that I wasn't always making the best use of my time, of my children's time, and especially of my family's time. And that doesn't mean seeing how many things can I cram into one day. Oh no! But rather it means how we are using our time efficiently so we have time for the things we really enjoy and that are really important to us. It also means how we can get the necessary things done in a way that means we are not always multi-tasking! (future topic- multi-tasking is not as productive as you might think it is!)
To make the best use of my day, and subsequently our day, I try to list the things I want to or need do the night before. I do this by putting it one one of two places- my phone's calendar or my phone's to-do list. (But a sheet of paper, preferably in a notebook, also works well). I list the most important things I need to do everyday.
For example, I have "Walk" programmed into my calendar each and every day of the week, 12 months a year, 365 days a year. Every. Single. Day.
Do I walk every day? No, I do not.
Do I walk most days? Hmmm... almost, but not quite.
I currently walk 3-4 days a week. But I feel that if I put it down everyday then at some point in time it will become an everyday occurence, or at least almost everyday. I want walking everyday to become a lifelong habit for me, just like brushing my teeth and making my bed (yes, I do make my bed everyday and I developed that habit pretty much the same way, by telling myself that making my bed was important enough to me to do everyday. Every. Single. Day.)
But if I am going to lose some much needed weight, get my blood pressuure under control and continue to lower my cholesterol, it is absolutely parammount that walking becomes a lifelong daily habit for me. Plus, going for a walk gives me more energy to do the things I need to do! So instead of drinking that second cup of coffee or eating that sugary snack for an energy boost- try going for a walk or engaging in some form of exercise that you enjoy. (I also make sure I drink plent of water everyday!) Making important things a daily a habit is a great step toward good time management!
I also list one or two things I really want to accomplish at home that day and that, realistically, I can accomplish. Often it is a household chore. And I have learned over time, that when it comes to household chores, the earlier in the day I begin them, the earlier in the day they are completed. I have learned that if I sneak in a load of laundry right after my daughter leaves for school at 7:15 AM and right before my son gets up for school at 7:30 AM, I can have that laundry washed, dried, folded and ready to put away before noon.
My to-do list might also include something I might need to do to prepare for dinner. I might need to take something out to thaw in the morning, I might make the salad in the afternoon, or bake something for dessert just before the chicken needs to go into the oven. (You may ask, how do I know in the morning what to take out for dinner? Here's a little secret for you- Weekly Menu Planning! I know some people can plan for the whole month, but let me tell you, Weekly Menu Planning has been a blessing for us! It saves us time, it saves us money, and I truly think it has saved our marriage! I will do a blog on menu planning soon!)
We do many of our errands on the weekend, and really we don't have a lot of them, but if I do have an errand to run, that also goes on my to-do list. It can be anything from taking a book to the library to cashing a check at the bank or reminding my husband to pick up milk on his way home from work.
Which takes me to my next thoughts on Time Management for the day- delegate. That's right- it's time to come to the realization that it is time delelgate some of these time-consuming jobs to the other people who live in your house. My husband and I decided when we were married that we would share household responsibilities, so it was a natural decision for us that when they reached a certain age, it was important for our children to share some of the responsibilities of the household as well.
When the the kids first started helping out, it was with great enthusiams (as there often is with small children doing something for the first time) but also very ecclectic. Over time that have gotten into a routine. The first thing they learned to do was to make their beds every day before school. Every day. And before breakfast! Now, usually it's by their standard and not mine, but it does get done and that is the important thing here. They put their own clothes in the dirty clothes hamper and hang up their own towels after a shower. They make their own lunches for school (with help). They each clean a bathroom every week (with help). They take turns setting and clearing the table at dinner time. They dust and vacuum their own bedrooms 1-2 times each month, again, with help (we are an allergy family and my son has a history of asthma, so we really need to do this).
If asked, my kids know how to vacuum and mop. The don't love to do it, but they will do it if asked occasionally. They can fold clothes, but laundry is my domain so I do all of the clothes washing and drying, and my husband & I do often do the folding together. Everyone in my house, including my husband, puts their own laundry away. My husband also does much (though not all) of the mopping and vacuuming and I do most of the decluttering and dusting. He also does about 50% of the cooking (but he really likes to cook and getting home at 4:30 most days gives us ample time to cook together). He also helps clean up pots and pans that don't go into the dishwasher (which I GREATLY appreciate!!). And most mornings, when the dishwashed has run the night before and because he has the luxury of having the kitchen to himself, he empties the dishwasher. Otherwise I run it and empty it.
My husband also takes care of the litter box and takes out the garbage & recycling. I get the kids off to school every morning (which right now is from about 6:45- 8:45 AM) and I do a lot of the day-to-day counter wiping, floor-sweeping, clutter-controlling, etc. I'm also home with them on vacations, including all summer, and I oversee homework duty and test-studying (mostly making sure it's done and helping if asked). Plus a million other little things that I couldn't possibly name. We all do these chores mostly without complaining because everyone has chores to do, and mostly we don't go around patting each other on the back for doing what is expceted, but the occasional thank yous are given and appreciated by all.
Please keep in mind: it has taken us a while to get this far, and some days and weeks are better than others, but most of the time we work together really well. I am blessed with really wonderful children, but if the expectation were not there for them to do these things, I can honestly tell you that they would not do them. But because we work together as a team, after homework & daily chores are done, sharing these responsibilities gives everyone a relatively clean and clutter-free home to live in and time to enjoy an extra activity or two each week. (And we have really cut back on the extra activities with surprisingly little complaint).
But let me please emphasize that we are NOT perfect- nor do I strive for perfection. I try to focus on what we can accomplish each day and I have expectations that a good ammount of it WILL get done. Anything that doesn't get done, I try not to stress over it and then I carry it over to the next day.
Remember: the more you carry over from day to day, the more you put off for tomorrow or next week, the more behind everyone gets, and then the more clutter builds up in your house, which then often takes more time and energy to declutter.
My very last thoughts are these questions:
What are you doing with your time?
How might you delegate chores to create more time?
How might you find some extra time everyday in small ways to accomplish more?
What activities are pulling you and your family away from home and each other- are there any that are unnecessary?
These answers are different for every individual and for every family. For us, the thought of being an on the go family 24/7 was very stressful, both for us and our children. But we only have one life and one chance at raising our children. The changes you make might not only add years to your life, but also add life to your years.
I recently came to the conclusion that I wasn't always making the best use of my time, of my children's time, and especially of my family's time. And that doesn't mean seeing how many things can I cram into one day. Oh no! But rather it means how we are using our time efficiently so we have time for the things we really enjoy and that are really important to us. It also means how we can get the necessary things done in a way that means we are not always multi-tasking! (future topic- multi-tasking is not as productive as you might think it is!)
To make the best use of my day, and subsequently our day, I try to list the things I want to or need do the night before. I do this by putting it one one of two places- my phone's calendar or my phone's to-do list. (But a sheet of paper, preferably in a notebook, also works well). I list the most important things I need to do everyday.
For example, I have "Walk" programmed into my calendar each and every day of the week, 12 months a year, 365 days a year. Every. Single. Day.
Do I walk every day? No, I do not.
Do I walk most days? Hmmm... almost, but not quite.
I currently walk 3-4 days a week. But I feel that if I put it down everyday then at some point in time it will become an everyday occurence, or at least almost everyday. I want walking everyday to become a lifelong habit for me, just like brushing my teeth and making my bed (yes, I do make my bed everyday and I developed that habit pretty much the same way, by telling myself that making my bed was important enough to me to do everyday. Every. Single. Day.)
But if I am going to lose some much needed weight, get my blood pressuure under control and continue to lower my cholesterol, it is absolutely parammount that walking becomes a lifelong daily habit for me. Plus, going for a walk gives me more energy to do the things I need to do! So instead of drinking that second cup of coffee or eating that sugary snack for an energy boost- try going for a walk or engaging in some form of exercise that you enjoy. (I also make sure I drink plent of water everyday!) Making important things a daily a habit is a great step toward good time management!
I also list one or two things I really want to accomplish at home that day and that, realistically, I can accomplish. Often it is a household chore. And I have learned over time, that when it comes to household chores, the earlier in the day I begin them, the earlier in the day they are completed. I have learned that if I sneak in a load of laundry right after my daughter leaves for school at 7:15 AM and right before my son gets up for school at 7:30 AM, I can have that laundry washed, dried, folded and ready to put away before noon.
My to-do list might also include something I might need to do to prepare for dinner. I might need to take something out to thaw in the morning, I might make the salad in the afternoon, or bake something for dessert just before the chicken needs to go into the oven. (You may ask, how do I know in the morning what to take out for dinner? Here's a little secret for you- Weekly Menu Planning! I know some people can plan for the whole month, but let me tell you, Weekly Menu Planning has been a blessing for us! It saves us time, it saves us money, and I truly think it has saved our marriage! I will do a blog on menu planning soon!)
We do many of our errands on the weekend, and really we don't have a lot of them, but if I do have an errand to run, that also goes on my to-do list. It can be anything from taking a book to the library to cashing a check at the bank or reminding my husband to pick up milk on his way home from work.
Which takes me to my next thoughts on Time Management for the day- delegate. That's right- it's time to come to the realization that it is time delelgate some of these time-consuming jobs to the other people who live in your house. My husband and I decided when we were married that we would share household responsibilities, so it was a natural decision for us that when they reached a certain age, it was important for our children to share some of the responsibilities of the household as well.
When the the kids first started helping out, it was with great enthusiams (as there often is with small children doing something for the first time) but also very ecclectic. Over time that have gotten into a routine. The first thing they learned to do was to make their beds every day before school. Every day. And before breakfast! Now, usually it's by their standard and not mine, but it does get done and that is the important thing here. They put their own clothes in the dirty clothes hamper and hang up their own towels after a shower. They make their own lunches for school (with help). They each clean a bathroom every week (with help). They take turns setting and clearing the table at dinner time. They dust and vacuum their own bedrooms 1-2 times each month, again, with help (we are an allergy family and my son has a history of asthma, so we really need to do this).
If asked, my kids know how to vacuum and mop. The don't love to do it, but they will do it if asked occasionally. They can fold clothes, but laundry is my domain so I do all of the clothes washing and drying, and my husband & I do often do the folding together. Everyone in my house, including my husband, puts their own laundry away. My husband also does much (though not all) of the mopping and vacuuming and I do most of the decluttering and dusting. He also does about 50% of the cooking (but he really likes to cook and getting home at 4:30 most days gives us ample time to cook together). He also helps clean up pots and pans that don't go into the dishwasher (which I GREATLY appreciate!!). And most mornings, when the dishwashed has run the night before and because he has the luxury of having the kitchen to himself, he empties the dishwasher. Otherwise I run it and empty it.
My husband also takes care of the litter box and takes out the garbage & recycling. I get the kids off to school every morning (which right now is from about 6:45- 8:45 AM) and I do a lot of the day-to-day counter wiping, floor-sweeping, clutter-controlling, etc. I'm also home with them on vacations, including all summer, and I oversee homework duty and test-studying (mostly making sure it's done and helping if asked). Plus a million other little things that I couldn't possibly name. We all do these chores mostly without complaining because everyone has chores to do, and mostly we don't go around patting each other on the back for doing what is expceted, but the occasional thank yous are given and appreciated by all.
Please keep in mind: it has taken us a while to get this far, and some days and weeks are better than others, but most of the time we work together really well. I am blessed with really wonderful children, but if the expectation were not there for them to do these things, I can honestly tell you that they would not do them. But because we work together as a team, after homework & daily chores are done, sharing these responsibilities gives everyone a relatively clean and clutter-free home to live in and time to enjoy an extra activity or two each week. (And we have really cut back on the extra activities with surprisingly little complaint).
But let me please emphasize that we are NOT perfect- nor do I strive for perfection. I try to focus on what we can accomplish each day and I have expectations that a good ammount of it WILL get done. Anything that doesn't get done, I try not to stress over it and then I carry it over to the next day.
Remember: the more you carry over from day to day, the more you put off for tomorrow or next week, the more behind everyone gets, and then the more clutter builds up in your house, which then often takes more time and energy to declutter.
My very last thoughts are these questions:
What are you doing with your time?
How might you delegate chores to create more time?
How might you find some extra time everyday in small ways to accomplish more?
What activities are pulling you and your family away from home and each other- are there any that are unnecessary?
These answers are different for every individual and for every family. For us, the thought of being an on the go family 24/7 was very stressful, both for us and our children. But we only have one life and one chance at raising our children. The changes you make might not only add years to your life, but also add life to your years.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Welcome to a Simpler, Happier Life
Hello everyone and welcome to my new blog called Simply Living. Here at Simply Living, I will share different ways of achieving a simpler and happier life. It's important to me to try to live as simply as I can in all aspects of my life. That includes just about everything from the way I eat, the way I shop, the way I save, the way I exercise, the way I care for my household, the way I parent, the way I spend my free time, etc. And I am also learning that it is also important (at least to me) to be happy and prayerful while I go about my daily life.
But I am no expert on anything and I am always learning new things. I love to learn new ways to declutter, find suggestions for how to organize and appreciate the items that I do keep and wish to enjoy, and discover tips on how to live more frugally. I have been inspired by many authors and bloggers, including Peter Walsh, Tsh Oxenreider and Gretchen Rubin. The best way to remember all that I have learned is to write it down in one place so I can put some of their ideas, and ideas of my own, into practice.
I hope that you find something useful here that you can incorporate into your simpler, happier life.
But I am no expert on anything and I am always learning new things. I love to learn new ways to declutter, find suggestions for how to organize and appreciate the items that I do keep and wish to enjoy, and discover tips on how to live more frugally. I have been inspired by many authors and bloggers, including Peter Walsh, Tsh Oxenreider and Gretchen Rubin. The best way to remember all that I have learned is to write it down in one place so I can put some of their ideas, and ideas of my own, into practice.
I hope that you find something useful here that you can incorporate into your simpler, happier life.
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