The Tortoise and the Spelling Bee

It amazes me sometimes how different things are connected. For example, what is the connection between a Spelling Bee, de-cluttering and being a tortoise? I'm not sure I could have told you the answer until this morning.

You see, my son is going to be in our school's district Spelling Bee next week. He particpated in his elementary school's Spelling Bee last month, which consisted of fourth and fifth graders, and by finsihing in the Top 10, he is able to move on to the next Bee, where he will compete with fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh and eighth graders.

Naturally, we were incredibly proud of him and his efforts for being in a Spelling Bee. But we knew that with Being in a Spelling Bee comes Great Responsibility. Our daughter was in the Spelling Bee a few years ago, and we hadn't forgotten how much time was involved in preparing for the Bee. We didn't want to discourage him, but we did tell that it was going to be hard work, so he needed to think long and hard before signing up to take the spelling test that is a precursor for being in the bee (the Top 20 from this test are chosen for the bee).

You see, in our house, if you commit to something, it is a 100% commitment, or as close to 100% commitment as you can possibly give. If you can only give, say 50% or even 75%, we don't participate, and that goes for the adults, too. And no, we don't expect them to win or be the best or anything like that- just to be fully committed and do their best.

Well, Jonah insisted that this was what he REALLY wanted to do, so he took the test in December, and placed in the Top 20. A list of spelling words were sent home over Christmas vacation for him to study and learn to spell. Can you guess how much time we spent practicing those spelling words? Not much. When he returned to school after Christmas break, we only had two weeks to prepare! We weren't sure if this was enough time, but we tried to make the most if it.

We concentrated on the easier words first. We got him into the habit of repeating the word back to us, just as they want you to do in the Bee, so the judges know you heard the word correctly. We focused on him being confident and on spelling each word slowly and clearly. We did this little by little, nearly everyday, for two weeks. We moved into harder words and he learned how to spell many of them, but we never got to the hardest words. We reasoned that because this was the fourth and fifth grade Bee, they probably wouldn't get to the hardest words anyway, and for the most part, that proved to be true. He had the misfortune of being the first speller of the Bee, and the first speller of each round, but his confidence shined! He came in fifth place and was the last fourth grader left. The words he missed was "ecstatic"- a word we hadn't even spent a lot of time on. His first spelling Bee was s success!

Well, that Spelling Bee was a month ago. Can you guess how much Jonah has practiced his spelling words for the next Bee? Well, not much. And it shows. We gave him the week after the Bee off as a "break", and then we found it hard to get back into the habit of practicing the spelling words on a regular basis. We have asked him his spelling words periodically and we discovered that words that he previously knew how to spell, were becoming difficult again. And he was losing some of his confidence. And he was waiting for us to do something about it.

Now, I know- he's only ten years old. The fact that he wants to even be in the Spelling Bee and stand in front of a group of people is to be highly commended. And it is, and we have told him that. But I had really hoped that Jonah would start remembering to find the time to practice on his own. Well, so far, he hadn't. It was a certain series of books with a certain characted named Harry Potter that he felt needed re-reading right now. Yes, he loves to read and that is also very very commendable, but not the most effective way to prepare for a Spelling Bee.

Last week I realized time was ticking away and I was really getting concerned about Jonah's lack of preparation for the next Spelling Bee (which, as I type, is now only six days away). Didn't he remember how we had to learn so many words in just two weeks, and now we had even less time? So, over this past weekend, I had a little heart-to-heart with him and suggested that Harry Potter be put aside until after the Bee was over. He could still read them for his 30 minutes of required reading for school each day, but that was it. Harry Potter would be there after the Spelling Bee was over, but preparing for the Spelling Bee was only going to be around for a short time. The Bee needed to be his priority right now. He had come too far to let it slide now. Thankfully, he agreed.

(Side note: when your kids are readers, like both of mine are, reminding your kids to put their books away every now and then to do something else that needs to be done becomes a way of life. It may seem weird to you,, but it is a common occurence at our house, and at times, something as good as reading becomes a distraction, just as anything else can. Just because reading is a good choice, doesn't mean it's always the most appropriate choice. Something to keep in mind... ).

I am happy to say that preparations have begun again, with the stipulation that he makes sure that he puts as much effort into preparing for this Bee as he had for the last. That he promise to work at it little by little, with our help, everyday. And like a dutiful mother, LOL, I have reminded him that this was his choice, to be in the Spelling Bee and that he needs to honor the commitment he made to this Bee when he first took that spelling test last December. I also reminded him that he isn't in the Bee to win, that we do want him to have fun with it, but we do want him to give his best effort. To my delight, he actually commented this morning that preparing for the Bee again has reminded him of why he wanted to do it in the first place, that he actually doesn't mind working hard at something a little bit everyday, and how good it feels to get better at something. (He is such an amazing boy sometimes... )

This is where the tortoise and de-cluttering come in. At my church, I am helping lead a Bible Study on "De-Cluttering Our Lives". We are talking about all kinds of clutter (household & paper clutter mostly, but also financial, emotional, mental, "body clutter", etc.) We have been meeting since the beginning of the year, with varying degrees of progress. Getting people to find the time in their busy lives to de-clutter has proven to be more difficult than I had anticipated. This group is made up of very generous, loving, giving, smart women who would do just about anything for someone else. Finding the time to do something for themselves and their home was proving to be quite a challenge for them, and was probably the source of their clutter problem.

There was a small group of us that met this week, and I think one of my friends made a very important break-through! She made the statement that, although she was committed to de-cluttering, she didn't always have the time for it. And when she did find the time, she was very slow at it, and methodical. She felt she was making progress, but it was so slow! She felt very much like the tortoise. And as our Pastor, who is also part of this group, gently reminded her, "Well, we all know who won that race!". Bingo. Suddenly it seemed much clearer to all of us. Slow and steady. Little by little. Everyday. Hmmm... what a concept!

Now, I am already a huge fan of de-cluttering a little bit everyday, and for me, it's more about maintaining my now more manageable amount of clutter each and every day, or as often as possible. When you reach a certain maintenance level, you have the confidence to know that even if you don't get to something right away, even three to four times a week makes a huge difference. You get a little behind, but you can catch up very quickly. Daily maintenance is better, but since we are not perfect, we do the best we can. It's kind of like when you have lost a lot of weight and you indulge one day and then have the self-discipline to get right back into your better eating habits the next day. Or, as my son Jonah has begun to learn, once he became confident with what he needed to do to prepare for the Spelling Bee and developed the self-discipline of practicing his words daily, even when he he missed a chunk of time, he was able to get ride back into the habit of studying them everyday.

When it comes to de-cluttering, I have developed a certain amout of self-discipline. It is a habit for me now. (Believe me- I wasn't born with it!) Often there are obstacles in my way, obstacles I like to refer to as distractions. If I were writing this blog several years ago, it would have been a distraction from the de-cluttering I needed to do. If I don't continue to walk everyday this winter, this blog might be seen as a distraction for me, so I make every effort to continue my walking so I can continue my blog. I'm now working on becoming more balanced so I can make room for the things that are important to me. We all have obstacles, and distractions, and other things we need to or want to do- that is just part of life. The trick is how we deal with them.


For many, I do think that there are many obstacles in their way when it comes to de-cluttering- it isn't just about the stuff. Just like it wasn't all about the race for the totoise or the hare. It's about choices. It's about time management- and learning to start out slow and steady. It's about making certain tasks a priority. It's about distractions- and learning how to deal with them. Temporarily removing a beloved distraction made it much easier for Jonah to make the Spelling Bee a priority for him right now. Balancing my time between blogging, walking, decreasing our debt and de-cluttering are my focus right now.

It's about, dare I say it, doing something for yourself and then doing what it takes to get it done so you can then move on to do other things. and developing the confidence and self-disipline with which to do it. There, I said it!

Believe me, there are plenty of days when I would rather do other things first. Maybe Harry Potter isn't calling me the way he calls Jonah, but other things do call me. Other things call us everyday. Everyday is full of choices and distractions. What is calling you? Some choices are emergencies, and that can't be helped, but many are not, and those choices become our distractions. Even many of the good things we do. Jonah reading a book when he needed to focus on something else was, for him, a distraction. I could list numerous things that could distract me and I fight them each and every day. You are not alone.

Most of us, especially women, were taught to do for others and not for ourselves, and that doing for ourselves is selfish. I encourage you to try to look at that another way. How many times have you done something for someone else, only to find that it left you with little or no time or energy to do something for yourself? It made you feel good at the time, and no doubt the receiver of your good deed appreciated it, but you still got nothing done for yourself. Practice the art of saying no. Say it to people you feel safe with first, then build more confidence. Like anything else, it gets easier with practice. It might feel good to feel needed by others, but right now, you need yourself!

And maybe others offered to help you in return, but I'm guesing you proudly turned that help away. "I can do it myself," you said. We don't even turn to God for help. Well, how is that working for you so far?

Make this day the day that you do what needs to be done- for you. Take that first step today. Then take that next step tomorrow. And the next day and the next day. It takes commitment and confidence and self-discipline to see beyond the distractions, even the well-meaning ones. Start by doing the things that make you confident. Do only the things you want to commit to- let go of the things you cannot or do not want to commit to right now. I assure you, it's ok. That will help you manage your time better. If you don't have self-discipline, and many of us don't, pray for some. I pray for it everyday as I make life changes. And it's working. Asking for God's help, and the help of others, is not a sign of weakness- it is a sign of strength. My friends, you are strong- and even stronger than you believe.

Today, and everyday, I pray all my friends in my de-cluttering group. And for anyone else reading this. I pray that you become more like the tortoise as he ran his race. And like Jonah, as he prepares for his Spelling Bee. Both started out slowly and continued steadily, and never gave up. I encourage you to find the confidence to develop the focus and self-discipline you need to prepare for whatever challenges you are facing. And to pray for God to walk beside you so that you are never alone as we run this race together called Life.