It's Good To Want

When our children were smaller and would ask for something, often, as many children do, my husband would playfully respond to them with this remark, "It's good to want". Meaning- it's good to want, but it doesn't mean you'll get it. At least from us. And it also implied that whatever it was that they wanted at that particular moment, it was fleeting. Something else would come along that they would want. It was his gentle way of saying "No, you don't really want that as much as you think you do, you don't really need it and you can't have it". He still says it from time to time, as do I.

As I reflect on those words today, they speak to me a bit differently now. It IS good to want, within reason. But most importantly, for me, I think it's good to think about what I REALLY want most and what will benefit my life. As I continue on my journey of being healthier, becoming debt-free, living a simpler life, etc. those wants have changed. At least, I like to think they have changed.

Now, I'm not talking about basic needs here. I am blessed with a life in which my daily needs are met- food, water, clothing, shelter, love... and having those needs met is something I try more and more to be grateful for and not take for granted. My family is also blessed with good health right now, for which we are also greatly appreciative. And when you really consider your blessings, that makes your wants shrink in comparison.

In the past, my list of wants would have been of the more material nature. I was always lamenting about wanting a new house. More money. Better vacations. A skinny body. A great wardrobe, maybe to go with that skinny body I could show off on vacation. More time. More stuff. Perfect children. Perfect husband. Perfect life. And those are just off the top of my head. I'm sure if I thought for a few more minutes I would come up with many more, but I will spare you.

I can't pinpoint exactly how it happened, or the moment it happened, but over time, those things have become less important to me. For example, while my house isn't perfect, it is the right size for us. If it were any bigger, we wouldn't spend as much time together and if it had that extra bedroom or bigger closets I had always wanted, I would just acquire more stuff to fill them. It still needs some work, but I'm slowly learning to take better care of and better appreciate the house that we live in. And I'm learning to take better care of the people who live in it, too.

Which leads me to my all-encompassing want or desire:

I want to appreciate all that I am and all that I have in the best ways that I can.

For me, this means I want to be satisfied with what I have in my life that is important to me. I really do have so much- why do I think I need more? And I want to love myself and the people in my life as they are today.

Here are some ways I want to achieve that kind of life. If hard-pressed I'm sure I could probably add more, but this is what speaks to me right now:

1. I want to always be myself.

And that includes liking myself as I am, warts and all. And the things that I don't like about myself, instead of complaining about them so much, if it is in my power, I want to find a way to change the things I don't like. For example, if I don't like my body the way it is, I ask myself- what can I do to make it better? And then I add those things to my life. I already walk more, drink more water, sleep more and i try to eat healthier, and I will continue to do those things. (I don't like that I am short, but that is something I cannot change). I really want to find my true self. Often I find that I fluctuate from being very quiet and shy to being very outspoken and opinionated, depending on who I am with. And usually there is very littile inbetween. I want to embrace all of those qualities about myself and find how those qualities make up who I want to be all of the time. Not perfectly, but in a way that better reflects the real me, instead of a watered-down, split-personality version of what others me to be. "To thine own self be true". Thanks, Will.

2. I want to let go of the idea of perfection..

Often, just doing something is good enough 9as long as it isn't harming someone). Can we still strive to be better? Sure. Can we still strive to be the best we can be? I think so. Does it have to perfect? I want to make that answer a "no". Even if we don't consider ourselves to be a "perfectionist" (and I personally don't think I am one, though I have perfectionist tendencies, at that's what I keep telling myself, LOL!), most of us do have areas of our lives where we expect perfection. We may not always achieve perfection, but we often crave it, or feel it is expceted. Ironically, often that yearning holds us back from doing the things we want to do because we know we will never achieve perfection. While setting up this blog, I tried so hard to make it "perfect". But then I realized, I have never done a blog before. I'm still learning. Right now it's the best darn blog I know how to create. Do I want it to be better? Yes, and hopefully it will be, over time. But if I waited for it to be "perfect", it wouldn't be here today. I still try to dot all my i's and cross all my t's, but typos and grammatical errors do get past me from time to time. I may not always spell something correctly or use perfect grammar, I may be too long-winded or unintentionally preachy at times, but my heart and soul are in this blog, and I truly am doing my best. And I have to remember that about others in my life, especially my family, that most days we are all doing the best we can. I want to spend more time doing the things that make me feel good and with people that make me feel good, but also embrace the imperfect in my life.

3. I want to live within my means.


Recently, my husband and I faced our financial debt head on. It wasn't pretty. We had to make some pretty tough decisions about our finances. Strike that. We WANTED to make some tough financial choices. We could have kept on cruising the way we were. I mean, it had worked for us so far, right? Wrong. If we were completely honest with ourselves, we knew it wasn't working for us. And it wasn't working because we were living extravagently, which we weren't, it was because we weren't living within our means. We weren't making good choices with our finances. We were giving into too many material wants. And it wasn't any one particular thing, which for us, made it difficult to cut back. At first. But once we started cutting back, we just kept going. We cut out going out to eat, one of our favorite things, but as a result, we now plan a Weekly Menu and we only buy what we need each week. We also eat healthier now and are able to control our portions. We also cut out school lunches, which also enables us to control what our children eat. We also eliminated most of our cable and cut out extra activities that we had to pay for. As a result, we are all at home together more, we are wathcing less TV, we are reading more, and there is MUCH less stress in our lives. It has taken discipline to make these changes, but because we know one of our biggest goals is to get rid of that debt, it is easier to stay focused. It isn't perfect, but we take it one day at a time. So for us, giving up overspending gave us so much more.

4. I want to live in a home that is pleasing to both me and to my family.
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I am blessed to have a home. Period. We all know people who have lost their homes and many of their possessions in fires or some other natural disaster. And while I know they will tell you what a blessing it is if they were lucky enough to escape with their life and their family's lives, it is also blessing to to them to have a home again, a home in which to keep everyone safe. Not a home for their stuff, but a home for their family. Family first- always. But beyond family- or if you live alone, beyond yourself- there is stuff. Everybody has it. Lots of folks talk about it, some people hoard it, some people hide it. Often people even brag about their really cool stuff and achieve to own more stuff. But a lot of people don't know what to do about it, how to take care of it or when they have enough stuff.

This is such a personal thing that I can only share my relationship with my stuff. Mostly, I hate stuff. No, really. And I hate stuff because it needs taking care of, because stuff never seems to figure out how to take care of itself and having it around where I have to look at it all the time creates not only more work for me, but it also creates visual clutter that just sucks the life right out of me. I think that's one of the reasons I have grown to love my house. (Did I just say I love my house? Wow, I HAVE come a long way!). Anyone who says bigger is better hasn't tried living in a small-ish house with less stuff, because I guarantee you, that if you live in a big or biggish house, you will try to fill it with more stuff, simply because you can. Unless you are very disciplined, it's very difficult to keep extra stuff out of your house and only keep what you need and want. And once it comes in, it's even harder to get rid of. It's kind of like head lice. (Yeah, that's not a pretty image AT ALL!) But maybe it you start looking at this extra stuff for what it can potenially turn you into- a CLUTTERBUG- then maybe, just maybe, you can find a way to keep it from coming into your house in the first place. And once it does come in, I pray that you can develop a system for keeping the things you truly want to keep and and enjoy, and a way to get rid of the things you really don't want to keep. Don't wait until you lose your home to a fire or flood to appreciate your home and all that it means to you.


5. I want to have more fun.

Sometimes, I think I come across as a very serious person. And I think that I can be, or that I can come across as being a lot more serious than I really am. I like to think that is my passion at work. I'm really passionate about the things that are important to me- music, decluttering, simplifying my life, my children, my religious beliefs, education, etc. I may not be the "party girl" I once was 30 years ago, but I do think that there is a really fun person inside of me. Perhaps some of my "perfectionist tendencies" spill over into my passions, and then I take things in life a bit too seriously, and then I guess I come across as being really serious or even as a perfectionist. Saying the right thing, doing the right thing... such a struggle I have with this. And then if think I have unintentionally offended someone, or someone disagrees with me, or doesn't "get" my passion, then I take it too personally. I usually get over it pretty quickly, but I always remind myself that I need to lighten up a litte. So I want to loosen up and have more fun.

For starters, I know I don't smile a lot, even if I am happy. So I will try to smile more. Even if I have to "fake it til I make it" at first. We are not a silly, rough-housing kind of family. I want to be more silly. We laugh at home, but I want there to be more laughter. I want to laugh at spilled milk, not cry over it. I want to impose less guilt on my children because they didn't get a 100 on a spelling test or math quiz. I want to play a game and lose more graciously, (yes, even at my age, I am not often a gracious loser, or winner!). I want to smile at my husband for remembering to bring home the milk even if he brought home the wrong kind. I want to let comments about my obsession with decluttering roll off of me because it doesn't do any good to do anything else. I want to listen to music that makes me sing, read books that make me laugh right out loud, and I want to go for long walks that energize me so I can experience fun, new things. We only have one life- shouldn't it be fun? I want my kids to remember growing up in our house as being fun.

6. I want to make a positive difference in the world.

I'm totally serious (in a fun, non-perfectionist kind of way!) when I say that- I want to change people's lives. And I secretly have always wanted to, but I never, ever thought I could, and in a way that was personal for me. Even now it sounds self-serving as I type this out. But I want to give people hope and laughter and fulfillment, etc. where maybe there isn't any. Or there is, but they can't see it. I used to think that you could only do this in big ways or with money, but I am learning that this can be done in small ways and for free or little money. This can also be done in small groups when like-minded people come together. I think that's why I actually do like to go to church and why my family makes time to go to church every week. We love that feeling of community. That feeling that if we all come together, we can make a difference. One of my favorite quotes is this one, attributed to Margaret Mead:

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed it's the only thing that ever has".

Well said, Margaret. To be honest, this is a relatively new quote for me. I spotted it on a postcard that was on display at the gift shop in The Women's National Historic Park, which is located in my hometown of Seneca Falls, New York. That's right folks, I live in the town that is the birthplace of Women's Rights. And not only do I live there, but my family has lived here and in the surrounding area for generations. Many generations. In fact, my great-great grandparents are Jane and Richard Hunt. Jane and Richard are Quakers who lived in the next-door community of Waterloo, NY. It was at their house that they invited Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Lucretia Mott, and a few Quaker women to tea on a hot July day in 1848. At some point during tea, talk turned to "woman's rights" and the women decided to meet again and plan for the first Women's Rights Convention, which was held the following week. Jane and Richard attended the convention, aong with several of Richard's sisters, and they all signed the Declaration of Sentiments, written by Elizabeth Cady Stanton, which called for equal rights for women. The fact that my ancestors knew Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Frederick Douglass and played a pivotal role in the beginning of the Women's Rights Movement just blows me away, and it does every time I think about it. Now, truth be told, my ancestors did not actively continue to pursue women's rights as Stanton did, but they were active abolitionists and their home was a part of the Underground Railroad, which also blows me away. I coud not be prouder of them for all they were able to do in their lifetimes.

Which makes me ask myself:

What am I doing to make a positive difference in my word?

What can I do to make a difference in my world- myself, my home, my community, my world? I do think that it does begin with myself. I do think it can then spread to my home and my community- and who knows, maybe somehow, if it is God's will, it will spread to the whole world. To paraphrase Margaret Mead, never underestimate that even one person can make a difference. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever does.

So, as I continue on this personal journey, in a way that is pleasing to me without achieving perfection, and if I continue living within my means, I want to think that perhaps I can somehow make a difference to someone, somewhere.

It is good to want...